BEHOLD! I am Zarglorp the Incomprehensible, hailing from the beyond this dimension. My demands are as follows: First, you shall erect a statue in my likeness, and it must be made of the shiniest metal your primitive planet offers – none of that dull aluminum rubbish. It should be no less than fifty feet tall, capturing my impeccable antenna curvature and the mesmerizing hue of my skin, which, by the way, is not 'green' as your limited vision perceives, but a shade of ultraviolet that your simple eyes cannot comprehend.
Secondly, I require a constant supply of your planet's finest delicacies – do not dare present me with what you call 'fast food,' or I shall vaporize it with my nostril lasers. I crave only your 'gourmet' items, the ones you reserve for your most celebrated events. And make haste! If my demands are not met within one Earth rotation, I shall be forced to take drastic measures, such as broadcasting intergalactic spoilers for your most beloved television series. Do not test me, Earthlings, for my patience is as short as your pitiful lifespans. Now, scurry about and fulfill the will of Zarglorp!
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